I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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