You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
