Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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