Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
