How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
