there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize