He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
