Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
