I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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