I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
