I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You ate ashes out of my bong
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
