I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
