wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
