Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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