I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
pop tarts are not kleenex
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
