I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
