Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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