He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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