so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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