so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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