It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
