I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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