i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
