I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
