i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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