As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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