margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
