Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize