first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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