I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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