so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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