If you die in college, do you die in real life?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
