Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
