just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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