the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
