I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
