My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
