I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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