ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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