I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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