I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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