She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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