i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
