you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
