My first STD was from a foam party
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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