His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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