Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
