last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
