Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
