God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize