But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
