i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
farters have to be the big spoon...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize