Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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