i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
