I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
