Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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