Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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