I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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