mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
