Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
