U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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