forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize