in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
