I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
