If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
