Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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