i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
