i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
